Light at the end of the Tunnel

We are almost nearing the end of this year. At this instance, all I can say is that I sustained, endured, and attained. 2021 marks a roller coaster of events filled with soleness, dissolution, newness, endings, and beginnings. There were a lot of times where hope was destitute. I pondered into the past for reasons. Because one has to dig deeper to look out for patterns. Realization in the early beginnings taught that the mistreatment was so addictive that it even came to a stage where most of it went concealed. These awakenings are a bit hard to abstract into one’s system. The level of emotional maturity couldn’t take it well. I apologize, but there were times where I almost gave up on living!. Thought of every single means to escape the pain. With all of this going on, I cut off myself from the rest of the world when I realized there was a lack of boundaries and more disrespect which kept putting me down from growing to my complete self. At this very hazardous time, I came across a person who made me feel worthy of friendship, kindness, love, and life just by being there. It came off as an unpredictable bonding. I truly believe that an angel in disguise is always sent to mend any broken soul. Sometimes, this is a person; or some blessing that gives you hope. With that, came a bunch of non-judgemental people who kept me sane and lively until today. For whatever it is, they helped me evolve and become part of a whole new world where even the tartness tastes sweet. And now I look back into the past only to not make those choices again: of people, of circumstances, of judgments, of anything deceitful that keeps me low.

I should be sitting right now in my Motherland while sharing this, but time did not let me. I was at the clinic the other day and felt so breathless, weak, and alone without anyone to aid after a prolonged period. I paused, sat, and took the fresh oxygen inside. On the way back home, I thought about how would it feel to be alone again and still feel good. What keeps me going!? What makes me feel alive and present at the moment? Moreover, what is the purpose of walking forward and more!? It is still hard to acknowledge the reality that I could not spend time with my family or my loved ones during this holiday season. But then, as Dumbledore proclaimed in Harry Potter: ‘Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the light’. Yes, just like the light that appears at the end of the tunnel which is HOPE. So, I remember to not misuse this time I am inside and physically away from the outside world to reflect and completely enjoy what I do!. I have never felt so warm and comfortable with myself in the past few years. As icing on the cake, I got my loved one, dear ones, and above all a faithful family being there in these arduous times for which I am truly gratified. Perhaps, that is the magic of being with the right people at the right time. I end these few days of the year-end with only gratitude and more kindness in my soul with the hope of a delightful new beginning.

“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” – 1 Peter 5:10